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Month: April 2003

Back to the Future

Back to the Future

“It’s written in the history of the future.”

Gotta love the Quebecois Separatists with their extremely logical language. They still have Separatistis, apparently, in spite of the fact that we haven’t heard much about it in the last few years. They want to have another ‘dum. You know, another referendum. I am very sympathetic to the Quebecois, I really am. Distinct society? Yes. I voted ‘yes’ on that ‘dum. I’m a bilingual girl from Ontario, I’m a French immersion grad. I’m all about the French being special and lovely. I even know that you can’t turn right on a red light in Quebec, and that’s knowledge I garnered as a non-driver living in Ottawa, clearly I am pro-Quebec.

But the separatists still make me laugh. Hey, we couldn’t get a majority the last time, well, best two out of three. No? Well, now that we have some war going on, now that the ridiculously (Quebecois) Prime Minister is about to step down, maybe we can get some anti-Canada sentiment up, we can get a sexy-looking leader…okay, maybe not…we can talk about ’embracing the ethnics’, we can point out how ‘a lot of them feel as though they are one of us’, which I find very heart-warming, myself.

Let’s move the separatists to Alberta, where they can make that province the fifty-first state. Suddenly four million Alberta cowboys would have spontaneous orgasms and erect American flags on the front of their houses, there would be dancing in the streets and lots of bookburning. They would dance the dance of death on their public health care system and exile their welfare recipients to British Columbia. Oh wait! They already do that! Edmonton would be a Canadian city state stuck in the middle and there would be a bloody border war, wherein the Alberta separatists would insist that Canada pay to move Alberta farther away from pinko Saskatchewan and godless British Columbia.

I love my country, I really do.