From the ledgers of my web stats come more interesting search strings!

“nervous disorders eraser crumbling”
Internet as handbook of medical knowledge. I had no idea eraser crumbling was a symptom of anything. But then, I’m not sure how to go about crumbling an eraser to start with. Better than smoking, I suppose.

“mass email patron”
Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Everyone hates mass email!

“dance mix 92”
Someone else who understands, as I do, that this is the best album of all time.

“how to get superglue off reading glasses”
With this single search string I’m reassured to know that someone somewhere also needed to know how to do this.

“Spiderwick real or fake”
This one is interesting, since Spiderwick is a set of books for children written by my dear friend Holly Black. Of course it’s 100% real, folks. Holly would not lie.

Hentai sharks
I thought hentai had to involve tentacles, but what would I know.

According to me blogs
I hope this is a classification. I would like to be listed under the “according to me” blogs. According to me, this is a good category.

Shem erotic stories
If this is a search for erotic stories involving Shem, son of Noah, I’m very intrigued. It was a hot afternoon, and the ark had been at sea for sixty-nine days. Shem gripped the gopherwood rail and looked out across the unbroken water, trying not to think about the desire that burned in his manly loins just as the unforgiving sun burned his skin. In the enclosure behind him, the goats were mating again.

Katie smells of poo flowers
I’m heartened to see some botanical research at work here on the interwebs.

Harmful television
Someone seeking some parenting help, I presume. Or possibly someone seeking help on how to avoid a television falling out of a high rise. That would be a very harmful television indeed.

Knowledge vespa
I hope these come in pink. All librarians should tool around on knowledge vespas, I feel.

Free history on renaissance
What I like best about this search is the concept of “free history”. I know exactly what this person means. Free articles rather than those tied up in licensed databases. But still, I like this idea of free history. Bring on the revolution, let’s free history!

exotic goldfish
Boy, is this person looking in the wrong place.

the colour purple in blockbuster windsor Ontario
I like this search string because of how compounded and how clear it actually is. She wants to see The Color Purple, an American film, but the user is Canadian and thus unthinkingly spelled it properly, +u. We know that she is looking to find this film at the local blockbuster, and that she lives in Windsor Ontario. We could almost just show up practically, couldn’t we. Just knock on her door with a pizza in one hand and the movie in another and say, “Hi! Can we watch the The Color Purple with you?”

calgary mafia
Crime searches! I had no idea Calgary had a mafia. The things you learn from search strings.

pencil drawings of Jesus Christ
From someone sketching sometime on or before 33 A.D., really.

kids beatitudes song
Since I’m not a Catholic, I don’t actually know what a beatitudes song would sound like. But I’d sure like to hear one.

principle of entropy
If the public library was originally founded to help the drooling working classes to better themselves, the internet is clearly stepping up to fill that space. How better to improve oneself than to read up on metaphysics on the internet?

tit tort
Let’s not, shall we?

facial expressions
I like this one. What are we trying to discover? What facial expressions mean? Imagine if this is someone using the internet to help him understand body language.

live facial sex
I realize what this person is looking for. I know they want a live money shot. But let’s ignore the obvious for a moment and imagine what facial sex must be. It could just be kissing I suppose, but I can’t help but imagine this search is linked to the ‘facial expressions’ search. “I didn’t cheat on him! I just had facial sex with some guy at the bar.” This could be a whole new class of activity, I tell you.