I had a great meeting with Joel and Jason today; Joel has a fabulous dog. We talked about my options for school, and he had ideas about my project that surprised me. So, the conclusion was: I can keep doing good history, learn some programming languages, put history online, and end up with a very marketable multi-disciplinary phd. I could teach (in a somewhat forward-thinking history department, once they see that I’m recommended by historians and that I have a good solid historical disstertation and publications), in a women’s studies department, in an education department, or, I could go into admin (if I feel like that’s what I want to do) or I could just say screw it and use all these technical skills to do something like design webpages or something like that. And I’ll have the experience to do all of this. The only real hitch is money; I’m too late for OISE funding, but I do have an OGS and a SSHRC application pending. I don’t hold out a whole lot of hope for those, though. I know my proposal is strong, but I was so out of it when I was writing those proposals, I don’t feel terribly confident. I was so unhappy then, and I didn’t even know it. Anyway, if everything falls through, I think at this point the best thing I can do is just take some time off. That way I can put together another SSHRC application (which would be VERY sexy given my new topic), and put in a real application for OISE next year. This part of the plan is a bit scary, to be honest. I’ve never not been a student. But, on the upside, I could just go ahead and get some temp work, make some money, just live in the real world for a while, just do things that make me happy…meet some new people, breathe it all in…just take a BREAK from all this. It’s wound me up so much, I can’t even see which way I walking these days. Joel referred to me as “dying on the vine” in the history department. I’m so cut adrift, and we can blame whomever we want, me if you want, but it’s true. I don’t think I can stay in the department. It scares me. And the idea of the next 4 years are NOT inspiring. But, in spite of all that…things are definitely looking up. I haven’t been this happy with my schooling possibilities in a long, long time. I was incredibly inspired by what Joel had to say. I really….I felt my passion coming back. I think this is what I need to do.

Also: dear, dear Janine is on her way over here right now. We’re going to do something totally fun and walk down to the Necropolis across from Riverdale park and look at some old graves. It will be great. She just got a interview with a company in London, and I’m so happy for her, but I just don’t know what I would do if she were to leave Toronto. I depend on her so much. 🙂 Well, at least I have so many wonderful people still around me….salmon….we need to have that ‘gooey’ talk over a good strong beer. And god, we have to talk about this OISE thing too….maybe we’ll be colleages! That would be *so* great. I can’t think of a better colleague. 🙂

Oh! Also! I finally convinced Jason to come see my apartment. He seemed to like it. I do so enjoy it when people can see something nice in this little place….and…

It feels like SPRING today!