Three Telephone Transcripts

Three Telephone Transcripts

Three telephone transcripts, chronicling my desperately sad attempt to get my affairs in order. Pity me.

Sears: Can I help you?
Me: Why, yes! Last week some guys came to deliver me some stuff, and they broke my couch. I was told a new couch had been ordered, and it was supposed to be delivered tonight.
Sears: Your phone number?

[some time later]

Sears: I can’t find any reference to any “reordering”. I see that the couch was broken and returned.
Me: Does no one find it odd that I paid for a couch I don’t have?
Sears: It seems to have been cancelled.
Me: Cancelled?
Sears: They would have called you to confirm with you if it had been reordered.
Me: Yeah, they did call and confirm. That’s how I got this delivery date. They called my mother, because my phone doesn’t work. They said it had been reordered and that it would be delivered today between 5 and 8.
Sears: I’m really sorry, this is bizarre.
Me: Why yes. YES IT IS.
Sears: It appears to have been cancelled. They would have credited your account.
Me: Can you tell if my credit card has been credited?
Sears: Ummmmm no.
Me: Fabulous.
Sears: We’ll have a sales agent call you tomorrow. Okay?
Me: *through tears* Okay.

Mom: THEY WHAT?
Me: Yeah, apparently that conversation you had with Sears never existed.
Mom: WHAT?!
Me: Cancelled. They cancelled my couch.
Mom: I have a bunch of numbers here.
Me: Feel free to call them and shriek tomorrow if you feel like it. They’ll be calling you to set up my new delivery date. Any day after 5 is fine, okay?
Mom: Okay. I have a lot of numbers, I’m going to call them.

Bell: How can I help you?
Me: Yeah, you may have a note on my record, my phone has never worked.
Bell: Right. There was an appointment missed today.
Me: Uh huh, I don’t know why they scheduled an appointment without talking to me first, I was at work. There was no way I could be here to let them in.
Bell: Strange.
Me: Yes. Well, I was told a technician would be by last Friday, so I stayed home all day Friday, but no one ever showed up. At this point I’m working and I can’t take an entire day off to sit and wait for someone who may or may not arrive. Is there any way to give me a time frame?
Bell: No.
Me: Say, a morning or an afternoon?
Bell: Nope, sorry.
Me: How about weekends?
Bell: Yes, we send technicians out on weekends. But the soonest that can happen is the 18th. But I can schedule someone for Monday.
Me: Yeah, but all day Monday, I can’t take a day off, I just started this job. I don’t know anyone in this town. I just moved. I can’t get someone else to sit here all day.
Bell: You know, I’m totally sympathetic, I had this problem too. But I can’t do much about it.
Me: Yeah, I know it’s not your fault. But man, this sucks.
Bell: It really does.
Me: …am I going to be charged for this time that I don’t have phone service?
Bell: You’ll be credited for the time you don’t have service.
Me: Great.

0 thoughts on “Three Telephone Transcripts

  1. Gosh, that sounds a lot like the many conversations I had with Sympatico over an 8 month period… them: “no, I’m sorry, we have no record of you cancelling your account”, me: “you don’t find it strange that I’ve been paying for internet service on a phone line that’s cancelled?” them: “well, yeah…”

  2. The one and only time I’ve ever completely “lost it” was on the phone with a Bell representative. There is something completely dehumanizing about these kinds of phone exchanges. Sympathy in your general direction.

  3. More sympathy. I have had many such exchanges. Is this de rigeur in post-modern life?

    My favorite is getting a voicemail on my home phone at 4:58 on Friday asking me to call back as soon as possible. Usually, from someone I’ve been waiting to hear from for days. Always, from places I’ve given my work number…am I not supposed to see through this?

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